a past revisited

the problem with revisiting past errors is that it reminds you exactly why they're errors.... unfortunately only after youve revisited them.

sometimes feels like i will never learn. my heart gives in and believes the best in people despite my my head telling me otherwise. do i go with my head and distrust everyone, or do i go with my heart and continue getting hurt? its easy to tell me to go with my heart, its the romantic, idealist thing to do. which is exactly who i am. ive been such a fool, thinking that loving and caring unconditionally one day has its own rewards. if it does, ive yet to reap it. does it really make me a better person? does it really make any real difference? the ones who've walked away, who never felt any love, are happy, leaving me with my head in my hands and my heart in pieces.

if there;s anyone out there who knows where this is going, or if theyve seen the fruits of their labour of love, i'd like to hear it. i need to be reinspired, and reminded that loving someone with all your heart at some eventual point comes back to - in a good way. that wearing your heart on your sleeve and trusting someone will not leave you shattered.

i am tired. and i need some hope. and most of all, i'd like to meet a real man, and not the guy in the movies who ends up with the chick. need not even be mine to keep... just to know there are men who fight for the woman they love, who give in to her because he cant bear to see her less of something, who cries because he cant imagine life without her. someone who puts her and her needs first, even after he doesnt need to.